he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
