That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
