We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
