god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize