while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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