I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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