did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
