I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
