Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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