I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
