I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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