Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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