I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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