I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
