My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
