You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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