Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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