I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
