She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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