oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
