Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
