Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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