Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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