Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
