Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wanna go halves on a baby?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
