party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize