and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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