Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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