You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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