I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
