you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
