His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
