We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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