My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
