The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize