I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
