thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
