I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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