y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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