its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
