True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize