sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
from now on my penis is your penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Alive.
So much puke
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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