I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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