dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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