when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
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