I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
