This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
