So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
