Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
