the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize