Kiss
Puke
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
