Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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