I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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