yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
