she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize