Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
