after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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