smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
