Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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