He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize