you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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