Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Randomize
