I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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