Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
