About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
