can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
