shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
