i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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