She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
