Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
