so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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