guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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