im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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