You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
