Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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