really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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