That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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