If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
