Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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