i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
