just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
