so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
