why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
