are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize