Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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