i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
