Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
