Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
