my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize