My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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