The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
