My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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