Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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