guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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