Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
