I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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