we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize