Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
